Why Resistance Shows Up When You're Ready for Growth
If there is one word I hear (and let’s be honest, use) often amongst my fellow coaching and healing colleagues, it is ‘resistance’. So, what exactly is resistance in terms of personal development and self-mastery, and how does it affect us? Read on and I will explain.
What is Self-Mastery?
Self-mastery is the practice of understanding, guiding, and refining your thoughts, emotions, and actions to align with your highest potential and deepest values. The process involves a commitment to doing what it takes to truly know yourself—your patterns, your habits, and the little stories you tell yourself to stay safe or comfortable. The more you understand yourself and why you respond in the ways you do, the more power you have to tweak those behaviours to serve you better.
Over time, this continuous awareness, adjustment and improvement will lead you to the success you know you are capable of, however that looks like for you. Financial freedom, a cozy cottage on the beach with lots of cats, being free to spend most of your time with your family or being a mega celebrity or leading subject matter expert – it’s totally up to you.
My Journey with Self-Mastery
It has only been in the last few weeks that I’ve realised that self-mastery is my ‘thing’. I’ve been practicing this process of self-awareness and growth for so long (around 28 years now) that I hadn’t even put a name to it – had you asked me a couple of months ago I would have said I was a personal development junkie, or that I just loved learning things. But here is the thing – EVERYTHING I invest my money in course wise, is about growth and mastery. I have been living and breathing it for most of my life.
Self-mastery is how I have evolved from hating being the centre of attention, to having over 10k followers on social media. It’s the reason I have the confidence and belief in myself to put my art and work out there. It’s how I have overcome some crippling self-doubt, healed from my own traumas, regulated my nervous system and maintained a marriage for 14 years (it was our anniversary yesterday).
But in order to achieve these things and many more, I’ve had to overcome some massive resistance at times (see I got here eventually). It sneaks up in the most unexpected ways, even when we think we're fully committed to growth.
Resistance – What it is and How it Shows Up
You can think of resistance as the internal pushback or hesitation we experience when faced with change, growth, or stepping outside our comfort zone, often rooted in fear, past events or old patterns. Resistance generally comes from the ego, as the ego seeks to maintain control, protect our sense of identity, and keep us within familiar boundaries, often perceiving change or growth as a threat to its stability.
Common Forms of Resistance
Resistance can show up in many subtle and not-so-subtle ways, often preventing people from moving forward in their personal growth or goals. Here are some common examples:
- Procrastination – Delaying tasks, especially those that lead to change or progress, is a classic form of resistance.
- Self-doubt – Questioning your abilities or worthiness, convincing yourself you're not ready or good enough to pursue a goal.
- Perfectionism – Using perfectionism as a reason to never finish or share your work, constantly refining and never feeling satisfied.
- Overwhelm – Feeling paralysed by the magnitude of a task or change, often leading to avoidance or inaction.
- Excuses and Rationalisation – Coming up with reasons why something can't be done now or why it isn't the right time.
- Distraction – Engaging in unrelated activities (social media, busywork, etc.) to avoid focusing on what truly needs attention.
- Anger or Frustration – Becoming defensive or irritated when faced with feedback, suggestions for growth, or change.
- Physical symptoms – Sometimes resistance shows up as fatigue, headaches, or tension when facing a task or decision that involves stepping out of your comfort zone.
- Fear of Failure (or Success) – Worrying about the unknown outcomes of taking a leap, leading to avoidance.
- Overthinking – Getting stuck in analysis paralysis, using endless planning as a way to avoid taking action.
My Personal Experience with Resistance
One form of resistance I see over and over again, is people asking for help because they are at the end of their tether – and then cancelling their appointment to speak with me. There is always an excuse – a child’s doctor’s appointment that they had forgotten about, or sudden onset of anxiety or illness. This is resistance at it’s finest. And of course, money is a great excuse. The ego is excellent at triggering money stories to prevent real change from occurring.
Nurturing Your Ego Through Growth
It’s important to recognise that the ego is not the enemy here – think of it more as a scared child that needs some reassurance and love. It has done a wonderful job of protecting you up until this point (as much as it could anyway) and it doesn’t want to be made redundant – so it resists.
Because of this natural, in-built resistance instinct, I have found that slow, steady and gentle growth is much less stressful than the massive shifts that some coaches and programs promise. I know we all want results yesterday, but if you get that result and your whole nervous system crashes as a consequence, then you have probably created a new trauma to deal with around expansion and growth. 
Supporting Others in Self-Mastery
As someone who has been there and done that (literally, and many times), it has become clear to me that my genius lies in mentoring others through this process. I’ve been doing this for years as well – teaching my clients techniques to deal with stress, release old patterns and understand their responses. And when they need it, journeying back to those old events and guiding them through a process to heal their past and create their future. I have so much respect and empathy for these women who want to step into their own magic, because I am (and was) one of those as well. We are just as worthy of success and achieving our dreams as anyone else, after all.
Introducing My Self-Mastery Mentoring Membership
This is why I am leaning into creating a mentoring membership for those of you who are ready to focus on your own self-mastery. If this is something you are interested in, or would like to know more about, hit reply and we can have a chat. My first group will be enjoying an exclusive rate in return for their feedback and trust in me – and of course, to reduce that resistance that might be bubbling up.
Ready for Self-Mastery?
So, if you have done all the courses and are still feeling stuck, if you just KNOW that something is stirring and you don’t know what (but want some help to clear it before it causes trouble) or you want to invest in yourself and your success, try some self-mastery (with me). I seriously LOVE this stuff.
Nessa xxx
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